Sorry to be MIA for a couple days…Day 3, 4 and 5 of Photo Challenge

With Valentines Day and our extended House Guest leaving things have been a little crazy in this house…PLUS I have been doing lots more prep for GAPS (more on that later)

Day 3: Clouds…I couldn’t choose just one of the many I took because the clouds were so cool this day at the beach

Doesn’t the Sun look like a heart?! Seemed fitting with Valentine’s just around the corner from that day

Monkey was flying his kite that day

Day 4: Something Green

Green Flag at the Lifeguard Station signifying that it is good swimming conditions that day.

Day 5: From High Angle

Happy Valentine’s Day

Day 2 of the Photo Challenge

Here is my day 2/really day 1 challenge pic…

Anytime I actually venture out of the house besides the gym or the bus stop for Monkey I wear Jeans and a t-shirt, this particular day I wore my favorite jeans with a shirt from my favorite Christian Comedian, Anita Renfroe. She is great look her up on Youtube and you will love her! Especially if you are a women or stay at home Mom…she will speak to you…promise

Day 1 of the 30 day Photo Challenge

So, I have to admit I jumped the gun and Day 1 is actually taken on Day 2 cause I mixed up the first two days before I downloaded the list LOL Silly me thought that day 1 was what I wore that day and forgot that there was a self portrait in there first…oops! So I realized this after I took what is supposed to be the day 2 pics so they are actually flip flopped even though I am posting them in the correct order, according to the list…

Here is the Self Portrait…

I had big thoughts of making myself up and straightening my hair and all that jazz but then retracted those thoughts and realized…a self portrait is raw and real and guess what 90% of the time this is me… and if I am going to be raw and real I might as well post my “before” GAPS and Tri training pics while I am at it…hold myself accountable for what I am preparing for…

Even though it is blury this is what I look like from the side…flabby skin and all…

I am not kidding myself into thinking diet and exercise will fix this completely but I am hoping that documenting it with pictures may allow me to accept what is me and what is mother nature…I know I am one of those women that will never have a bikini bod again after having children but if I do everything I can within my power maybe I can accept what is my doing and what is God’s will for me

Finding the Motivation

Been struggling with a source of motivation lately…resisting the impulse to just sit around and watch reality TV as been REALLY hard. Don’t get me wrong, I WANT to do more but I have been disconnected from God and my family lately. We had a major loss in the family and even though he wasn’t a close family member of mine, I am still feeling depressed and unmotivated. With me it is a vicious cycle in my head, I don’t want to do anything and sit around thinking about how I do nothing and then I beat myself up for it and that makes me feel worse and less motivated. What is that? That being said, it always takes a “sign” from God to get me out of these funks I get stuck in some days…

I have heard this song many times but I have never really heard it until this morning. It inspired me and lifted my spirits. I need to stop dwelling on whether what I do matters to the world but what I do matters to God. If I live to to please him in every little thing I do then it give things like cleaning toilets more meaning.

That being said I found the motivation to start a few new things and follow through with the many thing I have been planning since the New Year. GAPS ferments and Multi-Vitamin Tincture started today as well as starting a fun new project. I got a new camera for Christmas and I really LOVE taking pics so I am taking on a 30-day Photo Challenge. A friend from childhood is doing it on Facebook right now and it looks like so much fun as well as a cool way to experiment with my new Camera! Going to Blog it too I also started the book “Made to Crave”, my hope changing my thinking to “crave” God rather than worldly things. like food and pocessions then maybe it will further my motivation. I will blog about the book and share my journey on that too!

Commited to GAPS

I have been praying and looking for answers to all our issues in this house and GAPS is the answer I feel like. I have some work to do and some financial planning over the next 15 days to prepare for it but I subscribed to this “30 Day Intro Challenge” http://healthhomehappy.us2.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=a98d3fc95cbe1818ce3ab3839&id=251a8a8dfd email series so in 15 days ready or not… I am praying for strength and patience because my kids are going to be a challenge with such a drastic change in our diet.  We made our first experimental veggie soup last night and I could not even get them to take one bite…pray for me! I will continue to document our progress on here.

GAPS or not to GAPS

I have been struggling with my kids’ diets for some time…we are already on a strict Gluten Free diet and we used to be on a sugar-free diet as well but I have gotten lax about that and it seems that the sugar is creeping in more and more…it is so hard to be both gluten-free and sugar-free conveniently and I have caught myself relying on the convenient choice more often. Laziness on my part for sure. I don’t know why…I have nothing better to do. I go through these stages in life of depression and I feel like I might be in one of those cycles right now so when a mentor mom from my mom group suggested a website to me and it talked about the treatment of all neurological disorders through diet I was intrigued…especially when it said specifically Autism and Depression…JACKPOT! Monkey and I could both benefit from this diet AND it discussed some of the digestive issues that both of us deal with. It felt like light bulbs were going off one after another in my mind. I just have to muster up the energy and organization to get all of us on this diet. It is going to be hard and take some initial investment…I want what is best for my family without question but it takes a lot of time and energy to prepare for a major overhaul on our diet like this…not to mention the emotional preparation for it. Monkey has some really picky eating habits and although this diet claims to help with that as well, I am fully aware that this will not be an over night fix, nothing with Monkey is an overnight success, it takes patience and determination because we chose not to medicate. Not that I have completely ruled out medicating but for now he is only 5 and I am just not ready to put chemicals in him yet. So I am planning to document my journey on here. Between GAPS and my tri-training I am hoping to have a whole new look and attitude for myself and my kids by May… And possibly my husband too, he is still on the fence about it

Stalker or Parent

“I am not your friend—I am your parent. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare and hunt you down when needed, because I love you. When you understand that, I will know you’re a responsible adult. You will never find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than me. This is my promise to you.”

This is a personal project of Joel Felix and I first heard about it on Facebook from my favorite comedian Anita Renfroe! I loved it back then and swore I was going to buy it to hang on my wall but I have yet to do it…another thing to add to my wish list…

What brought this back up for me this week was an incident with my Stepson. I have twin boy stepsons that are almost 19…YIKES! We have had little contact with them for the last three years due to some teenage rebellion and an ununited front between us and their mother. That is my nice way of saying they hated our strict rules and wanted the freedom to do what they want just like any teenager wants and their Mom allowed that. Of course the consequence of this is they never finished High School and they have been involved in some less than acceptable behaviors in the eyes of us and the law We pray for them eveyday and hope that they see the light again… One of them came out of the woodwork in the last couple months and as a result we were able to have a little communication with him and sent him a visa card for Christmas. Of course the other one came out of the shadows and started communicating too, not all that ironic timeing considering his brother just got money and he is looking for his… We have yet to have a real conversation with him a lot of back and forth messages but anyway! That is the status of our relationship with them at this point and that brings me to my discovery the other day. I was doing my usual facebook stalking of them and I also have a website I use to look at criminal records in the state they live. I started looking into this stuff to track their Mom’s activity with the law for our records for custody reasons and we also had some unexpected child support suits filed against us when she signed custody of one of them to her daughter when she was put in jail…it was shocking so I learned my lesson and tracked her criminal activity to protect ourselves. Now I still look at it in hopes it will give me some insight as to whether the twins are with her or if she is in treatment/jail, whatever. Anyway, I also occassionally throw the boys names in the search hoping nothing pops up well last week one of them did…I was shocked (kind of)…then I sat there trying to figure out what to do and it dawned on me that he is an adult now and was it my place to call him out anymore and then I remembered this poem I had seen months ago…AND IT IS MY PLACE! I love those boys as if they are my own especially the one that is in trouble right now. I was his “Mom” for 4 years, I did everything a Mom does for her child biologically or not and I still feel like I am doing everything a responsible Mom would do even if he is not accepting of it. I send him e-mails all the time to remind him I am still here and that I love him still and worry all the time about him. And until he and his brother understand why I do the things I do or say the things I say then they are not the mature adults I hope they will be someday…

I am going to buy this poem and hang it on my wall in hopes that one day they will be in my house to see it and maybe they will understand it one day XOXO

Routine and Such…

I love routine! I feel so much more productive when I have a good routine in place! My life feels caotic and out of sorts when the routine is messed with. Of course this is an inevitable fact during the holidays and we just ended winter break in this house…THANK GOODNESS! I love having my little Monkey home but when he is home for the holiday break it just adds one more issue to staying in a good routine. We were up late, sleeping in and not napping for two weeks, yikes! This is the perfect picture of my life these last two weeks…

 

Don’t get me wrong it was not a bad couple weeks but it was definately challenging. The boys had good days and bad days. I fully blame myself for the caos since I allowed for them to eat poorly and sleep poorly and I am greatful the sweet moments where they played together and pretended to be puppies and play store in Peanut’s room. Just glad to be back to routine time!

Today is all about getting things back to “normal” . Up at 6am, Monkey off to school at 8am, Peanut and I made breakfast and spent time together then it was off to the gym for my swim workout, home for lunch and favorite shows Bubble Guppies and Team Umizoomi, then it was nap time and Mommy’s quiet time. Time for my devotional and blogging! 3:30 is just around the corner and we will be getting Monkey off the bus for our evening routine of playtime, dinner and tubs. Then bedtime routine of teeth brushing, bible time and nighttime prayers! I AM SO EXCITED! I think I have a routine addiction or something…any other Moms out there this obsessive about routines?

Worst Nightmare and Where do I go from here?

So today was a nightmare and probably my worst nightmare as a mom come true… We went to church this morning and I had been up since 7am with two cranky kids that were not getting along with each other… This is important for my mind-set for the rest of the day. We went to church and LOVED the message as usual, since Garry Clark is a great friend and mentor that we adore in life! We were attending Young Family Ministries and enjoying our Fellowship with them. I allowed Monkey to go and play on the playground alone while we visited with other Moms and Dads thinking at 5 yrs old he was ok but we were so wrong! And I know I carry that guilt and my husband carries it too… we thought he could/would defend himself if others teased himself but today exposed our worst fear! Two girls much older than Monkey approached me saying he said “I am going to kill you” and they said he punched them and dumped their water bottle. The only part of their story that sounded like Monkey was the water bottle dumping part but because of my own insecurities with Monkey I believed them and forced him to apologize to these girls. Then as soon as the girls walked away I was informed by another Mom that Monkey was the victim in the situation and that these Girls had attacked him to cover their own tails…I belived these girls before my own son…what kind of Mom does that make me?!?!? I felt terrible and of course this opened major discussion about what kind of schooling we want for our son…we want for him to be extremely successful and we don’t know that he can get that in the public school system…

“behind every good kid is a great mom”

I know the intention of this line is good but nothing irritates me more than lines like this! I dedicate everyday of my life to being the best Mom I can be and my kid still struggles. For reasons beyond my control and that doesn’t make me a “bad” mom or an “inattentive” mom. I do the best I can with what I have and my son is still not “good” so does that mean I am not a “great” mom. I hope not because I try VERY hard to be the best Mom I can be and I know it is not perfect and I fall short but I try my hardest and that should be good enough.